One of the hardest challenges in life is facing the loss of a loved one or family member, especially in death. And during this covid pandemic, many of us have lost a loved one, a family member or a friend. With grief and loss, we experience a wide range of emotions, and that is perfectly normal. We cannot predict how we will cope with grief until it strikes us personally. Each individual experiences grief in their own way, so we cannot tell someone exactly what to do or how to respond to their loss.
Losing a loved one, we are told is a natural part of life and we are also told that we should move on.
Moving on is not that simple right?
The truth is that we never really get over, or move on from losing a loved one. Research shows that as we expand and grow our own lives, we give room for the grief, the loss, the memory, the pain, the sadness and we just get used to living with it in our everyday lives.
For me “getting over” the loss of a loved one, in essence, is not really true, as there are so many memories, thoughts, and so many daily reminders of them.
So how do we give room or space for the grief, the sadness or the loss?
It starts by reflecting on the life of our loved ones and taking the lessons from the experiences which one has made with them.
- Looking back and reviewing the “movie” and then taking out of it only the teachings, the life challenges and how it has been overcome.
- Then implementing it into one’s own life and making the necessary changes and where mistakes have been made, ensuring that it can be improved upon.
In my own life and experience of losing loved ones recently, I have found great comfort in the knowledge that the lessons which I have learnt has added to my expansion and growth and this has been a great help in giving room for my grief. It is certainly aiding the healing process.
Personal and spiritual growth is an ongoing daily soulful work. Our purpose is to grow, expand and be the best version of ourselves.
In addition to spiritual growth, shifting my focus on a purposeful project has indeed had many benefits. For me, it meant managing a minor refurbishment to my home. Something which I’ve wanted to do for a while, now redirecting my attention onto a project meant a balance of energies which brought a certain degree of harmony into my life.
I managed to shift my focus on what matters and realized that life is about finding meaning in mundane things. Gratitude became my daily vitamin dose.
Everyone reacts differently to death and employs personal coping mechanisms for grief. Research shows that most people can recover from loss on their own over time if they have good family and social support. It may take months or a year to come to terms with a loss. There is no “normal” time period for someone to grieve.
Therefore, it is important to be patient, be kind and gentle with oneself and all those around you affected by the loss.
Here are some ways that have helped me:
After the passing of a loved one, I often stopped at their photograph in the hallway, smiled and thanked them for being a part of my life and for the blessing of having shared precious moments with them.
- Talk about your loved one
- Have conversations with them
- Be grateful for the time that you could spend with them
- Celebrate their life and who they were
- Pray or connect with them in spirit
Our loved ones would want us to be happy and to celebrate their lives!
I send you love and healing prayers
Naomi K
Kieswetter Coaching Consultancy 